Exploit Your Strengths

The day before our wedding back in 1996, my soon to be father-in-law took the two of us on a walk to discuss the merits of calling off our wedding. It was a fun walk where truths came out and lines were drawn. One of the statements he made, erroneously thinking he was being clever and making a point in his favor was that we complemented each other - "with an e." He was right, we could see where we filled in each other's gaps, added strengths to each other. His pithy comment became the foundation for how we approached our relationship going forward. We got hardcore with this logic. We realized two things: 1.) we were genuinely better together than apart and 2.) we needed to exploit the fuck out of our strengths.




What does exploiting strengths mean? Marriage requires a separation of duties and responsibilities. Think of this side as a business partnership. Together you are running a household. There are decisions to be made. Who will manage the bills? Who will do the laundry? Who will be the primary person to schedule doctors appointments for the kids? None of these sorts of decisions should be dictated by the stereotypical gender roles. Look at the actual skills and pain points. Who is best suited for what role? Why?




Responsibilities become pain points, ripe for building resentment around. Being strategic about who does what and why can mitigate these duties becoming targets for resentment.